I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
