I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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