Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
