i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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