chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
