you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
