so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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