Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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