I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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