Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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