everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He shit in the fireplace
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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