my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she pinky promised me she was 18
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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