i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
