Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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