i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
