I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
