Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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