My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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