Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
