I just cut my nipple shaving
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
