Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
