she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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