they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
