Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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