We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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