just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
