last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
