How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
