tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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