I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
