So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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