okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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