the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
