i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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