I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
