I'm eating all of the evidence.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
