The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
