I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize