maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
