Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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