Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
