After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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