sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
