Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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