We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
