just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
