i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My ass is underappreciated
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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