I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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