please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize