you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
