My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
