And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
