talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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