just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
