I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
