Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Fuck appropriateness.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
