WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he thought i was a dude.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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