Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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