i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
