I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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