who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
