he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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