i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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