You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
