Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
