I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
