I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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