I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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